Full Kit Wanker

A common phrase in the world of soccerball:

A grown man or Woman wearing a full football kit in a public place other than a football pitch. Football Shirt, shorts and socks. This may also apply to other full sports kit wearers in similar situations. You will naturally think/say ‘ What a wanker’. Therefore ‘What a full kit wanker’ is applicable.
Christian Benteke the Pish
David de Gie us a Break
Answers on a postcard
Although the phrase is perhaps not as common in the wonderful world of cycling, it really should be. Any bicyclers somewhat proficient in mountain cycling know the pleasure of rolling along the road, heading home from the trails and sitting behind someone on a road bike in a team sky jersey.  Standard practice is to then accelerating past them nodding with the jovial greeting “alright Wiggo”.
Fandan Basso and his Palverde
Likewise Roadie Bicyclers all know the basic joy of passing a slightly portly “World Champion” in the rainbow jersey.  Roadie Bicyclers however, being naturally meaner and nastier than Mountain Cycling Bicyclers more than likely just grunt and curse them under their breath.  Anyway, its as much an issue for the world of cycling as it is for Soccerball and like doping, motorized bikes and florescent colors this issue needs to be scrutinized by the UCI.

Nairo Qumtana



Anyway, what got me thinking about this serious issue for sport was that I had a bit of a full kit wanker type incident myself today.  In two weeks time im cycling the Capital Trail around Edinburgh, lots of miles on a Mountain Cycling Bike with lots of bags and stuff strapped to the frame.  Im cheating by staying in accommodation with a real roof but ill still need to transport enough gear for 2.5 days/2 nights on and around my bike.

Luckily at Christmas an old fat man with a beard slipped up my chimney and left a selection of 2 framebags and bike packing kit which I quickly deposited in a cupboard until today.
Today was try out day and I hope you agree Wee Stoogie looked resplendent in his Alpkit banana yellow clobber.
Wee Stoogie
Generally after a bit of fiddling with position and some problems with a bit of rear wobble and a floppy rear sheath the Alpkit gear proved fantastic but about half way round it donned on me how much of a full kit wanker I must have looked to other Bicyclers on the trails, indeed I was increasingly happy none of said Bicyclers could see the contents of the kit as I had visions of someone discovering it was packed full of children’s towels, a copy of the metro and four cardigans, (three grey, one pink).  It also reminded me of a time we stole my friends briefcase from him while car sharing through to work in Glasgow and discovered that all he had in it was a copy of the Sun and his tuna sandwiches.  Briefcase Wanker!
Anyway, did I mention its the Hell of the North this Sunday?

4 thoughts on “Full Kit Wanker

  1. Wait till I tell your maw you have cursed on the Internet!!!

    Going to start a blog just to piss you off!!!

    Ps – found decent Turkish wine!

    Sorry for saying piss!

    Liked by 1 person

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